


Can't Hide These Feelings

by ThePenguinOfDeath



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, First Kiss, Jedi Temple, Jedi Training, Meditation, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-10 02:06:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5564866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePenguinOfDeath/pseuds/ThePenguinOfDeath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey is distracted by her newfound feelings for Jedi Knight Ben Solo - and it doesn't help that Master Luke seems to suspect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Hide These Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure I ship Kylo Ren and Rey, but it's an interesting ship to write about and consider the dynamics of. This is way OOC because they're both Jedi/ in Jedi training so are obviously missing many of the influences that made them into the characters they are in The Force Awakens. I hope it still makes sense.

It wasn’t like Rey had never noticed Ben Solo.

The Jedi were still recovering from the devastating losses they had suffered during the Clone Wars decades before. There were very few Jedi Masters, and the Knights were just eight in number. It made it easy to learn the names and faces of every single Jedi. So Rey could hardly claim to be ignorant of his existence.

It was true, of course, that she interacted with the Knights less than most. She had been handpicked by Master Skywalker to be his own Padawan, and whilst the other Padawans did some training with the Knights, she spent a lot of time training separately. But all the Padawans had group drills from all the Knights at various times. Rey had spent some time sparring with other Padawans under Solo’s expert tuition. Still, she supposed, she had been focusing on the fighting rather than Solo himself.

That was her excuse.

It was why, when she bumped into him shirtless coming out of the shower, she could be excused for every rational thought leaving her head.

Jedi had to be physically fit. Their training involved pushing themselves to their extremes in order to learn focus, and to be better able to defend their Order. Rey was surrounded by attractive men and women. But Solo’s body – it was the perfect mix between wiry and sculpted, with just a light covering of hair that betrayed his young age.

“Rey,” Solo acknowledged her with a nod, smiling slightly as he walked past.

Rey nodded politely, not trusting her tongue to work.

How had she not noticed this before? It wasn’t like Solo covered up any more than the other Jedi – and most of the male Knights meditated shirtless. She couldn’t recall seeing him in particular before, but it was impossible that it hadn’t happened. So why was she feeling like this now?

Rey really hoped she could get whatever this was under control before Master Luke found out.

/

“You seem distracted.”

Rey tensed, her eyes flickering open. She was in the standard meditation position, out in the garden with Master Luke, but her usual calm was evading her.

“Sorry, Master.”

“What is preoccupying you?”

Rey squirmed internally. The truth was, she was still trying to think through her sudden attraction to Ben Solo. It wasn’t like sexual attraction was a new concept to her, and she knew from discussion that it was perfectly normal and accepted for Padawans to explore sexuality. But she didn’t remember it ever being quite this sudden or intense.

“Nothing important.” She settled on.

Luke smiled knowingly. “Important enough that you cannot banish it from your mind. I will not make you tell me. But I suspect you will not be able to calm your mind enough for meditation without it.”

Blast it.

Rey could feel her cheeks reddening. She swore Master Luke looked amused.

“It’s just a private matter.”

Master Luke chuckled. “I see. You are still young. There are no fraternisation rules within the Jedi Order, but you will need to learn to control your emotions.

Rey’s eyes widened. “I’m not-“

Luke held up a hand. “Let us not think of it now. Try to soothe your mind, box those thoughts away and become one with the Force.”

Rey closed her eyes, but the meditation still eluded her. She had a strong feeling this wasn’t the last she would hear about it from Master Luke either.

/

“We’re starting a new group training exercise today.”

Master Luke had gathered all the Jedi – Masters, Padawans and Knights – in the new Jedi Temple. The Force around him seemed livelier than usual – almost amused – and Rey had a sinking feeling in her stomach. She had glanced at Solo as she entered, unable to stop herself, and he seemed confused and thoughtful. This didn’t seem like an ordinary planned exercise.

“All of the Knights have unique skills. As Padawans, you are rarely exposed to the skills of the Knights and instead learn the skills of your Masters. This limits your ability to find your own areas of strength in the Force, alongside the areas you are weaker in. To combat this issue, you will be spending some time doing individual training with each of the Knights in their areas of expertise.”

Rey couldn’t deny that it was a good idea – but she was now certain that Luke knew what her problem was. Why else would he spring this on them so suddenly? Damn him and his perceptiveness in the Force. And damn his meddling instincts. She could only hope that she was paired with the other Knights for ling enough that this pathetic little crush went away.

“Each of you will have one week with each Knight. Your Masters will not be present during this training, however they will now inform you which Knight you will be paired with first. May the Force be with you.”

Rey raised an eyebrow at Master Luke as he walked over to her.

“Is the meddling really necessary?” She asked.

“Distractions will only hinder your training. In any case, there are areas I am weaker in that you could be better taught by others.”

Rey conceded the point. “So who am I with first?”

“Knight Solo. His abilities with mind-reading are more natural than my own and I feel his style may be more suited to you.”

Of course. Rey had no luck at all.

“When do we begin?” Rey was proud that her voice remained steady.

“This afternoon. I suggest you discuss the details with Knight Solo yourself. I have matters to discuss with General Organa.”

Rey watched Luke walk away and cursed. She was completely screwed.

/

“Knight Solo?”

On the plus side, Rey’s voice didn’t come out squeaky and awful – but on the minus side, it was still a shade higher than it was normally. She hoped Solo didn’t pick up on it.

“Rey. I’ve heard a great deal about your abilities – Master Skywalker is very complimentary. I think we can accomplish a great deal this week. Do you have a preferred location for meditation?”

Meditation. With Solo. Rey was definitely screwed.

“Um… I tend to use the forest? But Master Luke prefers to do it in the main gardens, and I go to the dunes when I want more peace and quiet.”

“I like the forest myself, so that is ideal. This afternoon we will be honing your focus in preparation for manipulating the mind. You cannot manipulate or read the minds of others without first being able to manipulate your own.”

Rey nodded, trying to disguise her tumultuous thoughts. She didn’t know if he was looking right now – she thought she’d be able to tell if he was – but you could never be too careful and Solo was a far more experienced Jedi than she was. After all, he was a Knight and she was just a Padawan.

“Meet me at the edge of the forest in an hour. There is no need to bring anything, but you may wish to change into something warmer – there’s a bit of a chill in the air today.”

Rey nodded. Well that was a relief. Warm clothing should be a lot less tempting. Hopefully she would be able to get away with hiding her crush for a little longer…

/

Rey almost tripped over a paving slab, barely avoiding a curse. Was Solo deliberately trying to look as much like a model as possible?

The way he was standing, hands in the pockets of his black robes and his hair ruffling in the breeze, made him look like he was posing for a magazine cover. His skin was pale and beautiful in the light and he turned towards Rey as she approached, his eyes warm and far too deep. No-one’s eyes should actually look like that.

For a moment, his eyes seemed to sweep over her as if he was assessing her. Was he… no, he couldn’t be checking her out. He was probably just seeing if she was dressed warmly enough.

“We’re not going too far into the forest today. I know a little clearing that I think will be perfect.”

Rey nodded at his words. Speaking once again seemed like a challenge she didn’t want to face.

“Do you have a preferred method of meditation?”

Damn. He actually wanted to attempt conversation. Rey carried on walking for a few seconds, hoping that Solo thought she was thinking about her reply rather than trying to calm down her heart rate.

“I use the same method as Master Luke. It’s easier when you’re doing it together and it was the easiest for him to teach, I assume.”

Rey smiled inwardly at her coherency, avoiding looking at Solo in case it all went to pieces.

“In that case, it will be good for you to practice meditating alone. You won’t always have a Master to guide you and it’s an important skill to learn.”

“Are you not meditating with me?” Rey glanced at Solo, and was caught for a moment by his eyes. It genuinely wasn’t fair for them to be quite that deep and brown.

Rey looked away and hoped she wasn’t blushing.

“No. I can give you more help if I observe from the outside. If I meditate myself then I cannot focus on you and your needs.”

Focusing on her needs? Rey squirmed at the choice of words. Something fluttered in her chest and she tried to beat it down.

“That makes sense.” That definitely came out squeakier than normal. Damn Master Luke and damn Knight Solo.

“This is our spot.” Solo stepped out into a small clearing Rey didn’t think she’d entered before. It was quite dark, surrounded by trees, but it had a small area of spongy grass that looked comfortable for meditation.

“I suggest you prepare for meditation as normal and I will guide you if you appear to need help. I’ll be paying attention to your mind, so if you lose focus I will know.”

Rey nodded nervously, settling herself down on the grass. There was no way this wasn’t going to end in embarrassment.

The first stage of meditation involved letting go of physical feeling. Rey slowly breathed in and out, slowly withdrawing her mind from her body. The breeze was a minor distraction, but the fluttering in her chest was more so. Carefully, she tried to disentangle herself from the sensations.

The second, more complicated stage involved letting go of emotions. The problem was, as soon as she even tried an image of Solo just swept to the forefront of her brain. The more she worked to remove it, the more frustrated she got and the further from achieving the desired state.

“Calm your mind.”

The voice was sudden, and Rey was startled back to the first stage, barely maintaining her composure at all. Solo was literally inside her head. Rey’s breathing quickened. If he saw…

“Rey. Calm your mind. Ignore my presence. Find your focus.”

Ignore his presence? Rey tried to block him out, but trying not to think about him just served to bring up more images. Panicking, she squeezed her eyes shut further and tried to pull her mind away.

“Rey-“

No. If he stayed inside her head, he was going to work it out. Rey _yanked_ , and felt her mind pull away from Solo’s, blocking him out. Her eyes opened.

The Force swirled around Solo and his eyes darkened.

“Do you hate me?”

The words were sudden, and angry. Rey blinked.

“What? No, of course I don’t-“

“Is finding me in your head repulsive?” Solo glared down at her. Rey had never seen him this riled up.

“No, I’m sorry, I just-“

“You just what, couldn’t take having your mind linked to mine? What’s the problem here? I’m sure you’ve never had this problem with Skywalker.”

Ren snapped. “That’s because I’ve never been attracted to Master Luke!”

Rey clapped her hands over her mouth. Sith. She hadn’t meant to say that. She glanced up at Solo anxiously, her cheeks flaming red.

His eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging slightly open.

“You’re… attracted to me?” He seemed floored.

“I’m so sorry! I know it’s not appropriate, and it’s unprofessional, and I promise I won’t let it affect our training again-“

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” Solo interrupted.

“Knight Solo?”

“Ben. Call me Ben.” He stepped towards her, crouching down, his face inches from hers. “I wasn’t going to suggest this until a few days in, but have a look in my mind.”

“Knight So- Ben?”

“Go on. Try and read my mind.”

Confused about what was happening, Rey tentatively reached out. To her surprise, Ben’s mind was warm and welcoming, letting her in without hesitation. Memories swam around near the surface. Some kind of meeting with Master Luke, a smile exchanged with one of the other Knights. And her. She was there. Meditating in the grass. Sitting in the sun letting her hair dry after a shower. Practicing her forms with the lightsabre. Laughing with the other Padawans, her face thrown back in joy.

The emotions tangled up were complicated and many, but Rey didn’t think she could be misunderstanding. She pulled her mind back.

“It would be improper for a Knight to approach a Padawan, even one as old as you.” Ben smiled.

“But why me?”

“Why does anyone like anyone else? You’re smart, your strength in the Force is incredible and your light – it’s intoxicating. If anything, I wonder more why you could possibly like me.”

Rey blushed.

Their faces were so close, it seemed perfectly natural to tilt hers up so their lips brushed.

It was a surprisingly gentle kiss, more a simple caress of lips. But the feedback from the Force was staggering.

“You know, I worried about Master Luke’s idea when he first suggested it, but I’m beginning to appreciate the appeal.” Ben’s face was smoother and happier than Rey thought she had ever seen it.

“I think I am too.” Rey smiled.


End file.
